I'm improper

to the very cold in my toes, easily could they be warmed but absence of mind makes me forget and rub them as if there is no cure

I often become unattached to the current situation, unable to breath fully into my lungs and start to feel dizzy

this dream-like state can cause a sick feeling that travels from my head into my stomach making me feel ill

Today is cold outside and yet I haven't reached socks yet, still shivering, even my hands are freezing and dry

I managed to clothe myself in warm pants and a sweater but without the socks it does little good.

In the mind it seems that I may be cured if I could rest an hour or two, but the mind also wishes to remain awake and thoughtful

there is so much to be thinking about although none of it really matters

there wouldn't be a thought for dwelling but the fact that I haven't eaten has made it hard to formulate full thoughts

I can tell my irrational mind is winning while I feel the guilt that has no source

but as a sickness is ingrained in me to punish myself for sins not actually committed.

An egg for protein and some veg for health and I should be able to sit and contemplate less abusively

I shall be able to think without it skipping back to the beginning where I once again start over a pattern of self hatred for a misunderstanding I have committed.